strays don't sleep
by winteredspark
Summary: /"She gave up," Stefan whispers, his voice hoarse with the pain he's probably sick of hiding. "I did all of this for her and she doesn't even love me anymore, Caroline."/ Or, she realizes that the villain is the best friend she will ever have. Steroline


**strays**

**don't **

**sleep; **

_-a oneshot-_

_. _

**a/n:** I have had a bit of an interest in Stefan/Caroline since her first days as a vampire and wanted to write this as a tribute to them. Lemme know how I did (:

.

_I'm under that night,_

_I'm under those same stars,_

_We're in a red car,_

_you asleep at my side; _

_Going in and out of headlights. _

_Could I have saved you?_

_- Strays Don't Sleep by Blue Skies _

.

If anyone asked Caroline Forbes why she bought herself a cherry red Honda Accord for her twenty-first birthday, she would simply smile - _all pearly white teeth_

_and perfection_ -

and tell them that it caught her eye.

She would never tell them that every time she slips behind the driver's seat and turns the key in the ignition she remembers another little piece of him, from the way he spiked his hair to make him appear a little taller to the slight lift in his lips every time she blatantly chastised him for something.

.

"I -"

_love you like I used to. _Tyler's lips press against her neck, teeth nipping and she feels herself tense without her permission.

Blood trickles down the side of her neck, barely visible. Then - an ache repeated until she's fed up with the monotony of it all.

_"_I'm -"

_sorry I can't control myself around you, Caroline. I love you so much._

At least if he apologized, she might have the grace to stay another day because she wanted to. Instead, she's left filling in his sentences and hating her stupid heart for loving him so much when they're going absolutely nowhere at all.

Caroline reaches for the little bottle of Klaus' blood she keeps stored in the nightstand as a necessary precaution and takes the tiniest of sips, feels her fangs sink through her gums and shine in the light of her bedroom. A niggling thought -

- _if you hadn't followed him and stolen his coffins in the end, Klaus wouldn't be here and I'd be long dead trying to revive a relationship long past gone_ -

and she kisses Tyler's neck, hard, breathes in the scent of his delicious blood.

.

"I'm a monster."

"We're vampires," Caroline says with a little shrug, playing with his fingers and wondering how something can be so perfectly simple as this. "It kind of comes with the territory."

She tucks her head into the crook of Stefan's neck and smiles when he kisses her head.

.

Caroline knows that she's not the biggest expert when it comes to love - if her string of broken relationships is anything to go by - but she knows that there's something wrong with a situation involving Elena leaning into Damon's chest as they argue about poetry versus rap on his couch, their bodies stretching -

-_spelling the words to a song she misses so terribly much_

and their eyes speaking a truth their lips never will.

_"How could you just walk away when Stefan needed you the most, after all that you two had been through?"_ The words are right on the tip of her tongue but she'll never say them because she won't be known as the girl who reminded them all why they're stuck in this mess and turned them back into angsty conversation.

"Damon, face it," Caroline says instead, stepping through the front door, "Elena is always going to be right."

They spring apart - pretending so badly she has to laugh - and give her equally guilty looks.

"My etiquette does not extend that far," Damon mumbles, reaching for his glass of bourbon and flashing Elena a glance burning with something he's scared to admit even to himself.

"What etiquette?" Elena mumbles, throwing her arms around Caroline.

When she pulls back, all three are wearing fake smiles.

.

"You're driving too fast," Caroline yawns, relaxing into the seat as the forest continues to whoosh by and the darkness creeps ever forward.

Stefan's foot presses down on the gas and the speedometer rises to ninety miles an hour.

His eyes are looking at her in such an intimate, knowing way that it makes her shiver. "You're not gripping the arm-rest," he retorts, eyes flicking down to prove his point.

Their pinky fingers are so close she can practically feel the energy between them-

_"let's make a promise," like children - _

and she wants to -

but she won't. Caroline's eyes flash over to the window and she inhales slowly as she realizes that they are whizzing over Wickery Bridge.

Every time they seem to go somewhere - _which, in his eyes, is probably nowhere at all_ - she remembers who she is, who he is and what she's supposed to be fighting for. It's too easy to forget when she's here with him.

She reaches over and grabs his hand anyways, because Elena doesn't hold a claim over him anymore, so she can do what she pleases.

.

"You know, you're pretty good at acting like you're an arrogant jack-ass who doesn't give a damn," Caroline remarks as she takes a step towards him. Her fingers curl around the edge of Elena's door and she should be surprised that he's here but she's really not -

_after all, he's suffering like this, turning himself inside out for the girl that sleeps in this room, the girl that uses this room to escape the world with Damon when she knows in her heart that she's betraying something, someone, she once promised the world_.

"Maybe I'm not acting," Stefan mumbles, not even bothering to budge from his slouched position on the edge of her bed.

Caroline moves forward until she's standing in front of him. He looks tortured, like he's been mulling over something; knowing him, he has. "No matter how much you try to bury it, the sadness keeps coming back, doesn't it?" she asks gently, touching his shoulder. "I remember how you were Stefan, and you can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me."

"I wasn't really trying to," Stefan admits, looking up at her.

She sits next to him and their shoulders brush.

"She gave up," Stefan whispers, his voice hoarse with the pain he's probably sick of hiding. "I did all of this for her and she doesn't even love me anymore, Caroline." Their eyes meet for a second too long. "I want to rip my brother's heart out for what he did."

She touches his cheek and he flinches in surprise.

"You're so brave," Caroline tells him, her thumb rubbing his cheek in little circles. "Even if no one else sees that, you are. You just need a friend to remind you, is all."

He leans forward and she catches him in a hug.

.

Every so often Caroline will pull her little red car off to the side of the well hidden road and her feet will trace a path to the cemetery.

One rose for Jenna's grave.

One rose for Elena's parents -_ and oh god she feels like a horrible person when she does that, so she lies a white rose instead, pleading like she's supposed to be forgiven for something. _

One rose, deep red and beautiful, resting on recently churned earth.

She wraps her arms around the head-stone and tells herself that she knows how to breathe.

The air scrapes the sides of her throat and she chokes on emptiness -

- _in all the movies scenes like this fade to white but she's not lucky enough for that, she guesses._

.

There are moments where she's slurping blood so greedily that it's dribbling down her cheek and matting her hair -

_she deserves to be greedy sometimes. _

When she's done, sitting there and wiping her mouth, her stomach seems to cave in and Caroline wonders what she has to do to fill herself up.

"Why does it feel like that?" she asks Stefan one time when they're sucking on blood-bags like good little human-savers.

"We're dead," he says with a shrug. "I guess it's a side effect."

"Then why do I feel so alive?"

Her eyes are studying him and it's like she's floating on air -

_maybe she really is dreaming, maybe she wants him to release how tremendous his sacrifice is so she's imagining it._

(it kind of makes her dreams better, because she likes this Stefan just the way he is.)

.

Elena doesn't get it -

_it makes Caroline want to slap the stupid out of her_.

She doesn't get that Stefan destroyed everything he had just to keep her safe.

.

"Can vampires sleep?" Caroline asks him a few days after her transformation. She still insists on hanging in the shadows of her home, fearing that the sun will suddenly decide to incinerate her and leave nothing but the remnants of her beautiful ashes.

Stefan's eyes meet hers, golden and lovely.

"If they really want to," he says slowly, hand stroking his jaw, an old habit. "Or if they desperately need to."

"Oh. Okay."

She thinks it might be kind of cool to stay up every night. She'll be able to finish Mr. Blacree's list of suggested readings so early that he'll have to rank her highest amongst her fellow students.

(it doesn't take long to see that all nighters are overrated.)

.

A horrible, gurging sound trapped in the pits of her own ears -

_grating and crushing everything within her until she can't take it anymore. _

Her hands are covered with blood that isn't her own and Caroline should be used to it by now but she's not.

"Why couldn't you, why did," Caroline stutters, wrapping her hand around his still one and hating the tears that roll down her cheeks. "Come back. _Please_."

His last sigh reverberates about her and she rests her head against his bruised, blood-soaked shoulder as the world watches emotionlessly. Her eyelids waver, drenched in her own tears, and she can't keep them open. The last thing she sees is the pieces of his red car scattered across Wickery Bridge and wonders if this ever meant anything to him, or if he's simply died for a girl that no longer appreciates him.

It's ironic that's she's never slept better.

(perhaps it's the heart-break.)

.

"I'm glad I still have you, Care," Elena murmers, resting her head on her friend's shoulder and hugging her tightly.

Caroline strokes her friend's dark hair and knows that all that Elena is capable of seeing right now is the memory of Stefan's humanity bleeding out of him - _just like he knew it had to happen._

"Do you think he'll ever come back?" Elena asks softly, lips pressing into soft skin. "He always - I just - he's it for me, Caroline."

_Why would he come back_

_when he left to protect you?_

"Maybe," Caroline replies distractedly. "Maybe."

.

They kiss. It's an accident.

Caroline would like to think that it's a _thank you_ kiss because he's been teaching her how to hunt without totally ruining her clothes.

But she finds it a bit queer that she remembers how his fingers felt gently cupping her arms, how his golden eyes burned into hers like a breathtaking comet shooing across the sky. She finds it a bit odd that Stefan was so close to her to begin with.

But she dismisses it.

.

"You know, I know that you say you like to be alone, but I think that you're missing something," Caroline rambles as they walk down the street for the first time since her transformation. Stefan is practically having to steer her down the street -

_because her feet are digging into the concrete for whatever reason_ -

and she's never realized just how kind he is before. He's a vampire and should be overlooked as a supernatural being, but she thinks that her opinion is invalid considering she's now one of them too. Plus, the world does look rather gorgeous with eyes that are fully opened to it.

"What's that?" Stefan asks in his amused tone.

Caroline looks back over her shoulder and her smile matches his. "A friend," she decides quickly, nodding her head. "I'm going to be your friend."

He laughs, "And if I say no?"

"Then I'll just have to stalk you," she mumbles, bursting into laughter.

"Friends then," Stefan says, eyes lighting up.

The sunlight doesn't seem so scary with a friend beside her.

.

Caroline lies a rose on the unmarked grave and looks at it for a long moment, exhaling -

_smoke curls up, a sigh whispers in the wind. _

"You were one of the bravest people I've ever known," she murmers, shoving her hands in her pockets. "And you were my best friend."

The sun seems to be smiling down on her and for a second she thinks she sees Stefan walking towards her with one of those sweet smiles he used to wear. He holds out a hand. _Not yet_, her lips don't say. When she blinks, dots invade her vision and she knows that she's going to have to get used to this horrible lonely feeling in the pit of her stomach.

A tear rolls down her cheek. She inhales, exhales and fingers the little bit of red on her bracelet, a tiny shard from the exterior of his car.

Then she walks back towards her car, her arms squeezing her chest so tightly she's surprised she's still breathing.

.

His fingers are combing through her blood-stained platinum hair, soothing words rolling off his tongue. Caroline watches through panicked eyes - _oh god, killed a man, you'reoneofthem_ - as his thumbs brush the blood from her lips.

_"Look at me."_ His voice brings her back, slowly.

She watches the veins sink beneath his eyes, then disappear, leaving behind concern so intense she's surprised-

-_ he feels it for someone like her._

His fingers burn against her face and she feels herself spiraling, held only by his golden eyes.

"I promise you, I will not let anything happen to you," Stefan whispers, keeping his eyes locked on hers.

Tears drench her face and she's more terrified of living and scared of herself than she's ever been before but she forces herself to ignore the little voice saying _"you're better off staking yourself,"_ forces herself to take another breath, one more breath -

_somehow I feel like you'll be my only real friend in the end, Stefan. _

.

_It's been a long year,_

_since we last spoke. _

_How's your halo?_

_Just between you and I. _

.

f i n

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End file.
